A.B. Simpson

Chapter 46 – Self-Denial

“There said Jesus unto His disciples, If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me” Matthew 16:24.

Self-denial was an exercise which the Lord Jesus often spoke about. Several times He mentioned it as an indispensable characteristic of every true disciple. He associates it with cross-bearing and losing our life.1 Our old life is so sinful, and remains to the end so sinful, that it is never in a condition for anything good. Therefore, it must be denied and mortified so that the new life–the life of God–may have free reign in our lives.2 From the very beginning, let the young Christian resolve to deny himself totally, in accordance with the command of his Lord. At the outset, it seems severe, but he will find that it is the source of inconceivable blessing.

Let self-denial reach our carnal understanding. It was when Peter had spoken according to the thought of the natural understanding that the Lord had to say to him, “Thou savourest not the things that be of God, but the things that be of men” (Matthew 16:23). You must deny yourselves and your own thoughts. In endeavouring to attain the knowledge of what God’s will is, we must be careful that the activity of our understanding the Word and prayer does not deceive us with a service of God that is not in His Spirit and truth. Deny your carnal understanding. Bring it to silence, and in holy silence give place to the Holy Spirit. Let the voice of God be heard in your heart.3

Also, deny your own will, with all its lusts and desires. Once and for all, let it be unquestionable that the will of God is your choice in everything. Therefore, every desire that does not fall in with this will must be mortified. Please believe that in the will of God there is heavenly blessedness, and that therefore self-denial appears severe only at the outset. When you exercise yourself heartily in it, it becomes a great joy. Let the body with all its life remain under the law of self-denial.4

Also deny your own honour. Seek the honour of God. This brings such a rest into the soul. “How can ye believe,” says Jesus, “which receive glory one of another?” (John 5:44). Although your honour may be hurt or reviled, commit it to God to watch over it. Be content to be little–to be nothing. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3).5

Deny, in like manner, your own power. Cherish the deep conviction that it is those who are weak–those who are nothing–that God can use. Be very much afraid of your own endeavours in the service of God, however sincere they may be. Although you feel as if you had power, say before God that you do not have it–that your power is nothing. Continuous denial of your own power is the way to enjoy the power of God. It is in the heart which dies to its own power that the Holy Spirit decides to live and bring the power of God.6

Especially deny your own interests. Do not live to please yourself, but your neighbour. He who seeks his own life will lose it. He who lives for himself will not find life. But he who truly imitates Jesus–to share in His joy–let him give his life as He did. Let him sacrifice his own interests.7

Beloved Christian, at conversion you had to make a choice between your own self and Christ. You said then, “Not I, but Christ” (Galatians 2:20). Now you are to confirm this choice every day. The more you do so, the more joyful and blessed it will be for you to renounce the sinful self–to cast aside unholy self-working–and allow Jesus to be all. The way of self-denial is a way of deep heavenly blessedness.

There are very many Christians who observe nothing of this way. They want Jesus to make them free from punishment, but not to liberate them from themselves–from their own will. But the invitation to discipleship always rings, “If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.”

We find the reason as well as the power for self-denial in the little word Me. “If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself, and follow Me.” The old life is in ourselves. The new life is in Jesus. The new life cannot rule without driving out the old. Once one’s own self had everything to say, now it must be nothing. But it would rather not be this.

Because of this there must be denial of one’s self and imitation of Jesus all day long. He, with His teaching, His will, and His honour, and His interests, must fill the heart. But he who has and knows Him willingly denies himself. Christ is so precious to him that he sacrifices everything, even himself, to win Him.8

This is the true life of faith. Not according to what nature sees or thinks to be acceptable, do I live, but according to what Jesus says and would have. Every day and every hour I confirm the wonderful thought, “Not I, but Christ” (Galatians 2:20). I am nothing, Christ is everything. “Ye are dead,” and no longer have power, or will, or honour, “your life is hid with Christ in God” (Colossians 3:3). Christ’s power and will alone prevail. Christians, cheerfully deny that sinful wretched self so that the glorious Christ may dwell in you.

Precious Saviour, teach me what self-denial is. Teach me so to distrust my heart that in nothing will I yield to its fancy. Teach me to know You so that it will be impossible for me to do anything else than to offer up myself to possess You and Your life. Amen.

Footnotes

1) Matt. 10:38,39; Luke 9:23; 14:27; John 12:24,25

2) Rom. 6:6; 8:13; Gal. 2:20; 5:24; 6:14; Col. 3:5

3) Matt. 16:23; 1 Cor. 1:17,27; 2:6; Col. 2:18

4) Matt. 26:39; Rom. 6:13; 1 Cor. 9:25,27

5) John 7:18; 8:50; I Thess. 2:6.

6) 2 Cor. 3:5; 12:9

7) Rom. 15:1,3; 1 Cor. 10:23,24; Eph. 5:2

8) Gal. 2:20; Phil. 3:7,8

Notes

1. Of the denial of the natural understanding Tersteegen said, “God and His truth are never understood correctly except by the one who, by the dying of his carnal nature, his inclinations, passions, and will, is made very earnest and silent before God. This same soul must abandon the manifold deliberations of the understanding and become very simple and childlike. We must give our heart and our will entirely to God, forsaking our own will in all things, releasing ourselves especially from the manifold imaginations and activities of the understanding, even in spiritual things. Our understanding collects itself silently in the heart, and dwells as in the heart with God. Not in the head, but in the heart, does the true understanding display itself in acquiring the knowledge of God. In the head are the barren ideas of truth: in the heart is found the living truth itself, the anointing that teaches us all things. In the heart is found the living fountain of light. Anyone who lives in a heart entertained with God will often, with a glance of the eye, discern more truth than another with the greatest exertion.”

2. Read the above passage with care. You will find in it the reason why we have said several times that when you read or pray you must at every opportunity keep quiet for a little while and set yourself in entire silence before God. This is necessary to bring the activity of the natural understanding to silence and to set the heart open before God so that He may speak there. The heart is the temple in which worship in spirit and truth takes place. Distrust and deny your understanding in spiritual things. The natural understanding is in the head. The spiritual understanding is in the heart, the temple of God. Preserve in the temple of God a holy silence before His countenance. Then He will speak.

3. The peculiar mark of Christian self-denial is inward cheerfulness and joy in the midst of turmoil. The Word of God makes unceasing joy a duty. This joyful disposition, hailing from eternity, has all change and variance under control and will hold its ground, not only in times of severe suffering, but also in the self-denial of every day and hour that is inseparable from the Christian life.

4. What all am I to deny? Deny yourself. How will I know where and when to deny myself? Do so always and in everything. And if you do not understand that answer, know that no one can give you the right explanation of it but Jesus Himself. To imitate Jesus, to be taught of Him, is the only way to self-denial. Only when Jesus comes in does self go out.



Chapter 47 – Discretion

“For wisdom entereth into thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto thy soul, discretion shall reserve thee, understanding shall keep thee” Proverbs 2:10,11.

“My son, keep sound wisdom and discretion: so shall they be life unto thy soul” Proverbs 3:21,22.

“Ye ought to be quiet, and to do nothing rash” Acts 19:36.

Indiscretion is not merely the sin of the unconverted. It often causes much evil and misery among the people of God. We read of Moses, “They angered him also at the waters of Meribah, so that it went ill with Moses for their sakes: because they were rebellious against his spirit, and he spake unadvisedly with his lips.” So of Uzzah’s touching the ark, “And God smote him there for his error” (2 Samuel 6:7).1

Discretion, and why it is so necessary, may be easily explained. When an army marches into the province of an enemy, its safety depends on the guards which are always on watch. The guards are to know and to give warning when the enemy approaches. Advance guards are sent out so that the territory and power of the enemy may be known. This prudence, which looks out beforehand and looks around, is dispensable.

The Christian lives in the province of the enemy. All that surrounds him may become a snare or an occasion for sin. Therefore his whole walk is to be carried out in a holy reserve and watchfulness so that he may do nothing indiscreet. He watches and prays that he may not enter into temptation.2 Prudence keeps guard over him.3

Discretion keeps watch over the lips. What loss many a child of God endure by thinking that if he speaks nothing wrong, he may speak what he will. He does not know how–through much speaking–the soul becomes ensnared in the distractions of the world. In the multitude of words there is not a lack of sin (Proverbs 10:19). Discretion endeavours not to speak unless it be for the glory of God and a blessing to neighbors.4

Discretion also keeps guard over the ear. All the news of the world comes to me through the gate of the ear–all the indiscreet speech of others–to infect me. Eagerness for news is very hurtful for the soul. Because of it, one can no longer look into one’s self. One lives wholly in the world. Corinth was much more godless than Athens. But in the latter, where they “spent their time in nothing else but either to tell or to hear some new thing” (Acts 17:21), very few were converted. Take heed, says Jesus, what ye hear.5

On this account, discretion keeps watch over the society in which the Christian mingles. “Through desire a man, having separated himself, seeketh all wisdom” (Proverbs 18:1). The child of God does not have the freedom to yield himself to the society of he world. He must know the will of his Father.6

Discretion keeps watch over all lawful occupations and possessions. It knows how gradually and secretly the love of money, worldly mindedness, and he secret power of the flesh, obtains the upper hand. It knows that it can never consider itself free from this temptation.7

And, above all, discretion keeps watch over the heart, because it is our life’s fountain. Remembering the word, “he that trusteth in his own heart is a fool” (Proverbs 28:26), discretion walks in deep humility, and it works out salvation with fear and trembling.8

What source gives the soul the power to be endlessly on its guard against the thousand dangers surrounding it on all sides? Is it not fatiguing, exhausting, and harassing to have to thus watch always, and never to be at rest in the certainty that there is no danger? No, absolutely not. Discretion brings the highest restfulness. It has its security and strength in its heavenly Keeper, who does not slumber or sleep. In confidence in Him, under the inspiration of His Spirit, discretion does its work. The Christian walks wisely. The dignity of a holy prudence adorns him in all his actions. The rest of faith, the faith that Jesus watches and guards, binds us to Him in love. Holy discretion springs, as of its own accord, from a love that would not grieve or abandon Him, from a faith that has its strength for everything in Him.

Lord my God, guard me so that I may not be indiscreet in heart. Let the prudence of the righteous always characterise me, in order that in everything I may be kept from giving offence. Amen.

Footnotes

1) Ps. 106:33; Prov. 12:18

2) Matt. 26:41; Luke 21:36; Eph. 6:18; 1 Pet. 4:7; 5:8

3) 1 Sam. 18:14; Matt. 10:16; Luke 1:17; 16:8; Eph. 5:15

4) Ps. 39:2; 141:3; Prov. 10:19; Eccles. 5:1,2

5) Prov. 2:2; 18:15; Mark 4:24

6) Psalm 1:1; 2 Cor. 6:14; 2 Thess. 3:14

7) Matt. 13:22; Luke 21:34; 1 Tim. 6:9,17

8) Prov. 3:21,23; 4:23; 28:18; Jer. 31:33

Notes

1. It was once said to one who gave great care to having his horse and cart in thoroughly good order, “Come, it is not necessary to be taking so much trouble with this.” His answer was, “I have always found that my prudence paid.” How many a Christian has need of this lesson. How many a young Christian may well pray for this–that his conversion may be according to God’s Word, “to the wisdom of the just” (Luke 1:17).

2. Discretion has its root in self-knowledge. The deeper my knowledge of my weakness and the sinfulness of my flesh is, the greater is the need for watchfulness. It is our element of true self-denial.

3. Discretion has its power in faith. The Lord is our Keeper and He does His keeping through the Spirit. It is from Him that our discretion comes.

4. Its activity is not limited to ourselves. Discretion reaches out to our neighbour, in the way of giving him no offence, and in laying no stumbling block in his way (Rom. 14:13; 1 Cor. 8:9; 10:32; Phil. 1:10).

5. Discretion finds great delight in silence so as to commit its way to the Lord with composure and deliberation. It esteems highly the word of the townclerk of Ephesus, “Ye ought to be quiet, and to do nothing rash” (Acts 19:36).

6. In great generals and their victories we see that discretion is not timidity. It is consistent with the highest courage and the most joyful certainty of victory. Discretion watches against rashness but enhances the courage of faith.



Chapter 48 – Money

“Money answereth all things” Ecclesiastes 10:19.

“I had wholly dedicated the silver unto the Lord from my hand” Judges 17:3.

“Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usary “Matthew 25:27.

In his dealing with the world and its possessions, the Christian finds an opportunity to manifest his self-denial and the spirit of discretion.1 Since all value or property on earth still finds its expression in money, it is in his dealings with money that he can especially show he is free from worldliness by denying himself to serve his God. In order to thoroughly comprehend this, we must consider what is to be said about money.

What does money represent? It represents the work by which a man earns it and his industry, zeal, and ability in that work. It is indicative of his success and the blessing of God upon the work. It also represents all that I can do with money and the work that others would do for me. It signifies the power that I have to accomplish what I desire and the influence which I exercise on those who are dependent on me for my money. It is a representation of all the possessions or enjoyments that are to be obtained by money and of all on earth that can make life desirable. Yes, it represents life itself, without which the purchase of indispensable food cannot be supported.

Money is, indeed, one of the most desirable and fruitful of earthly things. No wonder that it is so esteemed by all.

What is the danger of money? What sin does it lead to, that the Bible and experience should so warn us to be prudent in dealing with it? There is the anxiousness that occurs when one does not know if there will be sufficient money.2 There is the covetousness that longs too much for it.3 There is the dishonesty that, without gross deception or theft, does not give to a neighbour what belongs to him.4 There is the lovelessness that desires to draw everything to one’s self and does not help another.5 There is the love of money, which greedily seeks after riches and lands.6 There is the robbery of God and the poor in withholding the share that belongs to them.7

What is the blessing of money? If the danger of sin is so great, would it not be better if there were no money? Is it not better to be without money? No, even for the spiritual life money may be a great blessing. It may be an exercise in industry and activity, in care and economy. It may be a sign of God’s blessing upon our work.9 It may be an opportunity for showing that we can possess and lay it out for God, without withholding it or cleaving to it, and that by means of it we can manifest our generosity to the poor and our overflowing love for God’s cause.10 It may be a means of glorifying God by our charity and of spreading among men the gold of heavenly blessing.11 It may be a thing that, according to the assurance of Jesus, we can exchange for a treasure in heaven.12

And what is now the way to be freed from the danger and to be led into the righteous blessing of money?

Let God be Lord over your money. Receive all your money with thanksgiving, as coming from God in answer to the prayer, “Give us this day our daily bread”(Matthew 6:11).13

Lay it all down before God as belonging to Him. Say with the woman, “I had wholly dedicated the silver unto the Lord” (Judges 17:3).14

Let your dealing with your money be a part of your spiritual life. Receive and possess and give out your money as one who has been bought at a high price-redeemed, not with silver and gold, but with the precious blood of Jesus.15

Make what the Word of God says of money–of earthly goods–a special study. The Word of the Father alone teaches how the child of God is to use blessing.

Greatly reflect on the fact that it is not given to you for yourself alone, but for you and your brethren together. The blessing of money is to do good to others and to make them rejoice.16

Remember that it can be given up to the Father and the service of His Kingdom for the upbuilding of His spiritual temple-the extension of His influence. Every time a spiritual blessing is mentioned in Scripture, it is .a time of cheerful giving for God’s cause. Even the outpouring of the Holy Spirit made itself known in the giving of money for the Lord. 17

Christian, understand this, all the deepest deliberations of the heart and its most spiritual activities can manifest themselves in the way in which we deal with our money. Love to God, love to our neighbour, victory over the world by faith, the hope of everlasting treasure, faithfulness as a steward, joy in God’s service, cheerful self-denial, holy discretion, and the glorious freedom of the children of God, can all be seen in the use of money. Money can be the means of the most glorious fellowship with God and the full enjoyment of the blessedness of being able to honour and serve Him.

Lord God, make me properly discern in what close connection my money stands with my spiritual life. Let the Holy Spirit lead and sanctify me, so that all my earning and receiving, my keeping and dispensing of money, may always be pleasing to You and a blessing to my soul. Amen.

Footnotes

1) John 17:15,16; 1 Cor. 7:31

2) Matt. 6:31

3) 1 John 2:15,16

4) Jas. 5:4

5) Luke 16:19,25

6) 1 Tim. 6:9,10,17

7) Prov. 3:27,28; Mal. 3:8

8) Eccles. 5:18,19

9) Prov. 10:4,22

10) 2 Cor. 8:14,15

11) 2 Cor. 9:12,13

12) Matt. 19:21; Luke 12:33

13) 1 Chron. 29:14

14) 1 Chron. 29:12,14

15) Luke 19:8; 1 Pet. 1:18,19

16) Acts 20:35

17) Ex. 36:5: 1 Chron. 29:6,9; Acts 2:45; 4:34

Notes

1. John Wesley always said that there were three rules about the use of money which he gave to men in business and by which he was sure that they would experience benefit.

-Make as much money as you can. Be industrious and diligent.

-Save as much money as you can. Be no spendthrift, live frugally and prudently.

-Give away as much money as you can. That is the divine destination of money. That makes it an everlasting blessing for yourselves and others.

2. Acquaint yourself with the magnificent prayer of David in I Chronicles 29:10-20. Receive it into your soul because it teaches us the blessedness and the glorification of God that springs from cheerful giving.



Chapter 49 – The Freedom of the Christian

“Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness. Being made free from sin, Ye have your fruit unto holiness” Romans 6:18,22.

“But now we are delivered from the law” Romans 7:6.

“The law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death” Romans 8:2.

Freedom is counted in Scripture as one of the greatest privileges of the child of God. Throughout history, there is nothing for which nations have made great sacrifices except freedom. Slavery is the lowest condition into which man can sink, for in it he can no longer govern himself. Freedom is the deepest need of his nature.

To be free, then, is the condition in which anything can develop itself according to the law of its nature–according to its own disposition. Without freedom nothing can attain its destiny or become what it should be. This is true of the animal and man, of the worldly and the spiritual alike. It was for this reason that God chose the redemption of Israel out of the slavery of Egypt and into the glorious liberty of the promised land as the everlasting example of redemption out of the slavery of sin and into the liberty of the children of God.1 On this account, Jesus said, “If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed” (John 8:36). And the Holy Scriptures teach us to stand firmly in the freedom with which Christ made us free. Complete insight into this freedom opens up to us one of the greatest glories of the life that the grace of God has prepared for us.2

There are three passages from the Epistle to the Romans which speak of our sanctification through a threefold freedom. There is freedom from sin in the sixth chapter, freedom from the law in the seventh, and freedom from the law of sin in the eighth.

There is freedom from sin (Romans 6:7,18,22). Sin is represented as a power that rules over man, and under which he is brought and taken captive: It urges him to be a slave to evil.3 By the death of Christ and in Christ, the believer–who is one with Him–is made entirely free from the dominion of sin. It has no more power over him. If, then, he still sins, it is because he permits sin still to rule over him, not knowing his freedom by faith. But if by faith he fully accepts what the Word of God thus confirms, then sin has no power over him. He overcomes it by the faith that he is made free from it.4

Then there is freedom from the law. This leads us deeper into the life of grace than freedom from sin. According to Scripture, law and sin always go together. “The strength of sin is the law” (I Corinthians 15:56). The law does nothing but make the offence greater.5 The law reveals our sinfulness. It cannot help us against sin; rather, with its demand for perfect obedience, it hopelessly gives us over to the power of sin. The Christian who does not realise that he is made free from the law will still always abide under sin.6 Christ and the law cannot rule over us together. In every endeavour to fulfil the law as believers, we are taken captive by sin.7 The Christian must know that he is entirely free from the law–from the you must that stands around us and over us. Then, for the first time, he will know what it is to be free from sin.

Then there is also freedom from the law of sin–actual liberation from the power of sin in our members. What we have in Christ, freedom from sin and from the law, is inwardly appropriated for us by the Spirit of God. “The law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.” The Holy Spirit in us takes the place of the law over us. “If ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law” (Galatians 5:18). Freedom from the law is not anything external. Instead, it takes place according to the amount of dominion and leading of the Spirit within us. “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty” (2 Corinthians 3:17). Accordingly, as the law of the Spirit rules in us, we are made free from the law, and from the law of sin. We are then free to do what we, as God’s children, would gladly do–serve God.

Free expresses a condition in which nothing hinders me from being what I could and should be. In other words, free is to be able to do what I desire. The power of sin over us, the power of the law against us, and the power of the law of sin in us, hinder us. But he who stands in the freedom of the Holy Spirit–he who is then truly free–cannot be prevented or hindered from being what he could and should be. As it is the nature of a tree to grow upwards–free from all hindrances–so a child of God then grows to what he should and will be. As the Holy Spirit leads him into this freedom, the joyful consciousness of his strength for the life of faith springs up. He shouts joyfully, “I can do all things through Him which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13). “Thanks be unto God which always causeth us to triumph in Christ” (2 Corinthians 2:14).

Son of God, anointed with the Spirit to announce freedom to the captives, make me also truly free. Let the Spirit of life in You, my Lord, make me free from the law of sin and of death. I am Your ransomed one. Let me live as Your freed one, who is hindered by nothing from serving You. Amen.

Footnotes

1) Ex. 1:14; 4:23; 6:5; 20:2; Deut. 24:18

2) John 8:32; Gal. 4:21,31; 5:1

3) John 8:34; Rom. 7:14,23; 2 Pet. 2:19

4) Rom. 5:21; 6:13,14

5) Rom. 4:15; 5:13,20; 7:13

6) Rom. 6:15; 7:5

7) Rom. 7:23

Notes

1. The freedom of the Christian extends over his whole life. He is free in relation to the institutions and teachings of men: “Ye are bought with a price: be ye not the servants of men” (1 Cor. 7:23; Col. 2:20). He is free in relation to the world and in the use of what God gives. He has power to possess it or to dispense with it, to enjoy it or to sacrifice it (1 Cor. 9:1).

2. This freedom is no lawlessness. We are free from sin and the law to serve God in the Spirit. We are not under the law, but give ourselves, with free choice and in love, to Him who loves us (Rom. 6:18; Gal. 5:13; 1 Pet. 2:16). Not under the law, also not without the law, but in the law–a new and higher law. “The law of the Spirit of life,” “the law of liberty,” (1 Cor. 9:21; Jas. 1:1.5; 2:12), the law written in our hearts, is our rule and measure. In this last passage the translation ought to be, “bound by a law to Christ.”

3. This freedom has its subsistence from and in the Word. The more the Word abides in me and the truth lives in me, the freer I become (John 8:31,32,36).

4. Freedom manifests itself in love. I am free from the law and from man and from institutions to be able now, like Christ, to surrender myself for others (Rom. 14:13,21; Gal. 5:13; 6:1).

5. This glorious liberty to serve God and our neighbour in love is a spiritual thing. We cannot by any means seize it and draw it to us. It becomes known only by a life in the Holy Spirit. “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty” (2 Cor. 3:17). “If ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law” (Gal. 5:18). It is the Holy Spirit who makes us free. Let us allow ourselves to be introduced by Him into the effectual, glorious liberty of the children of God. “The Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death” (Rom. 8:2).



Chapter 50 – Growth

“So is the kingdom of God, as if a man should cast seed into the ground, and should sleep and rise night and day, and the seed should spring forth and grow up, he knoweth not how. The earth bringeth forth fruit of herself; first the blade, after that the ear, then the full corn in the ear” Mark 4:26-28.

“The Head, from which all the body increaseth with the increase of God” Colossians 2:19.

“That we may grow into Him in all things, which is the Head, even Christ, from whom the whole body maketh the increase” Ephesians 4:15,16.

Life is continual movement, progressiveness. Increase or growth is the law of all created life. Consequently, the new life in man is destined to increase–always by becoming stronger. As there are in the seed and in the earth a life and power of growth which impels the plant to achieve its full height and fruit, so is there in the seed of the eternal life an impelling force by which that life always increases and grows. This divine growth continues until we come to be a perfect man–measuring up to the stature of the fullness of Christ.

In this parable of the seed that springs up of itself, and becomes great and bears fruit, the Lord teaches us two of the most important lessons on the increase of the spiritual life. The one is that of its self-sufficiency; the other is that of its gradual timing.

The first lesson is for those who ask what they are to do in order to grow and advance more in grace. As the Lord said of the body, “Which of you by being anxious can add one cubit unto his stature? Consider the lilies of the field how they grow” (Matthew 6:27,28). So He says to us here that we can do nothing, and need to do nothing, to make the spiritual life grow.2 Do you not see how, while man slept, the seed sprang up and became high? Do you not see that he did not know how the earth brought forth fruit by itself? Once man has sown, he must believe that God cares for the growth. Man does not have to care. He must trust and rest.

And must man then do nothing? You must understand that he can do nothing. The power of life must come from within–from the life and the Spirit implanted in him. He can contribute nothing to the growth itself. His growth will be given to him.3

All he can do is to let the life grow. All that can hinder the life, he must take away and keep away. He can take away any thorns and thistles in the soil which occupy the place and power that the plant should have.4 The plant must have its place in the earth alone and undivided. The farmer can care for this. Then it is able to grow further of itself. Likewise, the Christian must take away what can hinder the growth of the new life. He must surrender his heart entirely and completely for the new life, allowing it alone to possess his heart, so that it may grow free and unhindered.5

The farmer can also bring forth what the plant requires in the way of food or drink. He can manure or moisten the soil as it is needed. So must the believer see to it that for the new life nourishment is brought forth out of the Word, the living water of the Spirit, by prayer. It is in Christ that the new life is planted. From Him it increases with divine increase. Stay rooted in Him by the exercise of faith, and the life will grow of itself.6 Give it what it must have, take away what can hinder it, and the life will grow and increase of itself.

Then comes the second lesson of the parable–the gradual timing of the growth, “first the blade, after that the ear, then the full corn in the ear.” Do not expect everything at once. Give God time. By faith and endurance we inherit the promises–faith that knows that it has everything in Christ, and endurance that expects everything in its time according to the rule and the order of the divine government. Give God time. Give the new life time. It is by continually remaining in the earth that the plant grows. It is by continually standing in grace, in Christ Himself–in whom God has planted us–that the new life grows.7

Yes, give the new life sufficient time–time in prayer, time in communion with God, time in continuous exercise of faith, and time in persistent separation from the world. Give it time. The divine inner growth with which the life of God perfects man in Christ is slow but sure, hidden but real, and weak but endowed with heavenly power.

Lord God, graciously strengthen the faith of Your children, showing them that their growth and progress are in Your hands. Enable them to see what a precious, powerful life was implanted in them by You–a life that increases with a divine increase. Enable them, by faith and patience, to inherit the promises. And teach them in that faith to take away all that can hinder the new life, and to bring forward all that can further it, so that You may make Your work in them glorious. Amen.

Footnotes

1) Eph. 4:13; 2 Thess. 1:3,4

2) Hos. 14:5; Matt. 6:25,30

3) Ps. 92:12,13; Gal. 2:20; Col. 3:3

4) Matt. 13:22.23: John 15:1,2

5) Song 2:15; Heb. 12:1

6) John 15:4,5; Col. 2:6,7

7) Heb. 3:13; 6:12,15; Jas. 5:7

Notes

1. For the plant, the principal thing is the soil in which it stands and out of which it draws its strength. For the Christian, this also is the principal thing. He is in Christ. Christ is all. He must grow up in Him, for out of Him the body obtains its increase. The main thing is to abide in Christ by faith.

2. Remember that faith must set itself toward a silent restfulness so that growth is just like that of the lilies of God’s hands, and so that He will see to it that we increase and grow strong.

3. By this firm and joyful faith we become “Strengthened with all might according to His glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness” (Col. 1:11).

4. This faith that God cares for our growth takes away all anxiety and gives courage for doing the two things that we have to do–the taking away of what might be obstructive to the new life, and the bringing forward of what may be serviceable to it.

5. Observe well the distinction between planting and growing. Planting is the work of a moment. In a moment the earth receives the seed. After that comes the slow growth. Without delay–immediately–the sinner must receive the Word. There can be no delay before conversion. Then, with time, the growth of the seed follows.

6. The main thing is Christ. From Him and in Him is our growth. He is the soil that of itself brings forth fruit, yet we do not know how. Hold fellowship with Him daily. A month’s worth of meditations on the blessed life of continued fellowship with Him are provided in my book, Abide in Christ.



Chapter 51 – Search the Scriptures

“O how I love Thy law! it is my meditation all the day” Psalm 119:97.

“Search the Scriptures: and they are they which testify of Me” John 5:39.

“The word preached did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in them that heard” Hebrews 4:2.

At the beginning of this book there is more than one passage on the use of God’s Word in the life of grace. Before I take leave of my readers, I would like to come back to this all important point. I cannot too earnestly and urgently address this call to my young brothers and sisters–your spiritual life greatly depends on your use of God’s Word.

Man lives by the Word that comes from the mouth of God. Therefore, seek with your whole heart to learn how to use God’s Word correctly. With this in mind, reflect on the following hints:

Read the Word more with the heart than with the understanding. With the understanding I know and comprehend–with the heart I desire and love and hold firmly. Let the understanding be the servant of the heart. Be very afraid of your understanding or carnal nature, which cannot receive spiritual things.1 Deny your understanding, and wait in humility on the Spirit of God. On every occasion, keep silent during your reading of the Word. Say to yourselves, “This Word I now receive in my heart, to love and to let it live in me.”2

Always read the Word in fellowship with the living God. The power of a word depends on my conviction regarding the man who wrote it. First, set yourself in loving fellowship with the living God under the impression of His nearness and love. Deal with the Word under the full conviction that He, the eternal God, is speaking with you. Let your heart be silent while you listen to God–to God Himself.3 Then the Word will certainly become a great blessing to you.

Read the Word as a living Word in which the Spirit of God dwells, and that certainly works in those who believe. The Word is seed. Seed has life, and grows and yields fruit of itself. Likewise, the Word has life, and of itself grows and yields fruit.4 If you do not wholly understand it–if you do not feel its power–carry it in your heart. Ponder it and meditate on it, and it will of itself begin to yield a working and growth in you.5 The Spirit of God is with and in the Word.

Read it with the resolve to be, not only a hearer, but a doer of the Word. Let the great question be–What would God now have of me with this Word? If the answer is–He would have me believe it and rely on Him to fulfil it–immediately do this from the heart. If the Word is a command of what you are to do, immediately yield yourself to do it.6 There is an unspeakable blessedness in the doing of God’s Word, and in the surrender of myself to be and to act just as His Word dictates. Do not be only hearers, but doers of the Word.

Read the Word with time. More and more, I see that one obtains nothing on earth without time. Give the Word time. Give the Word time to come into your heart, on every occasion on which you sit down to read it. Give it time, in the persistence with which you are faithful to it, from day to day and month to month.7 With perseverance, you become exercised and more accustomed to the Word and the Word begins to work. Please, do not be discouraged when you do not understand the Word. Hold on, take courage, give the Word time. Later on the Word will explain itself. David had to meditate day and night to understand it.

Read the Word with a searching of the Scriptures. The best explanation of the Bible is the Bible itself. Take three or four texts on one point, and set them close to one another and compare them. See where they agree and where they differ. See where they say the same thing or again something else. Let the Word of God in one place be cleared up and confirmed by what He said in another place on the same subject. This is the safest and the best explanation. Even the holy writers used this method of instruction with the Scriptures, “and again ” (John 19:37).8 Do not complain that this method takes too much time and energy. It is worth the trouble. Your pains will be rewarded. On earth you have nothing without effort.9 He who wants to go to heaven never goes without taking pains. Search the Scriptures, you will be richly rewarded.

Young Christian, let one of my last and most earnest words to you be this–your growth, your power, and your life depend on your faithfulness to the Word of God. Love God’s Word. Esteem it sweeter than honey, better than thousands in silver or gold. In the Word, the Father can and will reveal His heart to you. In the Word, Jesus will communicate Himself and all His grace. In the Word, the Holy Spirit will come into you, to renew your heart and all your thoughts, according to the mind and will of God. Do not simply read enough of the Word to keep you from falling away. Make it one of your chief occupations on earth, to yield yourself so that God may fill you with His Word, and may fulfil His Word in you.

Lord God, what grace it is that You speak to us in Your Word, that we in Your Word have access to Your heart, to Your will, and to Your love. Forgive us for our sins against Your precious Word. And, Lord, let the new life become so strong by the Spirit in us, that all its desire will be to abide in Your Word. Amen.

Footnotes

1) I Cor. 1:21,27; 2:6,12,14; Col. 2:18,23

2) Ps. 119:10,47; Rom. 10:18; Jas. 1:21

3) Gen. 17:3; 1 Sam. 3:9,10; Isa. 50:4; 52:6; Jer. 1:2

4) Mark 4:26,27,28; John 6:63; 1 Thess. 2:13; 1 Pet. 1:23

5) Ps. 119:15,40,48,69; 2 Tim. 3:16,17

6) Matt. 5:19,20; 7:21,24; Luke 11:28; Jas. 1:21,25

7) Deut. 6:5-9; Ps. 1:2; 119:97; Jer. 15:16

8) Isa. 34:16: John 5:39; Acts 17:11; Heb. 2:13

9) Prov. 2:4,5; 3:13,18; Matt. 13:44

Notes

1. In the middle of the Bible stands Psalm 119, in which the praise and the love of God’s Word are so strikingly expressed. It is not enough for us to read through the divisions of this psalm successively. We must take its principal points and seek what is said in different passages upon each of these points. Let us, for example, take the following points, observing the indications of the answers, and seek in this way to come under the full impression of what is taught us of the glory of God’s Word:

a. The blessing that the Word gives–verses 1,2,6,9,11,24,45,46,47,etc.

b. How we have to handle the Word (observe, walk, keep, mark, etc.).

c. The names that are given to God’s Word in this psalm.

d. Prayer for divine teaching–verses 5,10,12,18,19,26.

e. Surrender to obedience to the Word–verses 93,105,106,112,128,133.

f. God’s Word, the basis of prayer-verses 41,49,58,76,107,116,170.

g. Observance as the ground of confidence in prayer-verses 77,159,176.

h. Observance as promised upon the hearing of prayer–verses 8,17,33,34,44.

i. The power to observe the Word-verses 32,36,41,42,117,135,146.

j. The praise of God’s Word-verses 54,72,97,129,130,144.

k. The confident confession of obedience–verses 102,110,121,168.

1. Personal fellowship with God, seen in the psalmist’s use of Thou and I, Thine and Mine.

I have merely mentioned a few points and a few verses. Seek out more and mark them until your mind is filled with the thoughts about the Word which the Spirit of God desires to give you. Read the words of that great man of faith, George Muller, with great thoughtfulness. He says, “The power of our spiritual life will be according to the measure of the room that the Word of God takes up in our life and in our thoughts. After an experience of 54 years, I can solemnly declare this. For three years after my conversion I used the Word little. Since that time, I have searched it with diligence, and the blessing was wonderful. From that time, I have read the Bible through a hundred times and at every time with increasing joy. Whenever I start fresh with it, it appears to me as a new book. I cannot express how great the blessing is of faithful, daily, regular searching of the Bible. The day is lost for me on which I have used no solid time for enjoying the Word of God.

“Friends sometimes say: `I have so much to do that I can find no time for regular Bible study.’ I believe that there are few that have to work harder than I have. Yet it remains a rule with me never to begin my work until I have had real, sweet fellowship with God. After that I give myself heartily to the business of the day, that is, to God’s work, with only intervals of some minutes for prayer.”



Chapter 52 – The Lord the Perfecter

“I will cry unto God most High; unto God that performeth all things for me” Psalm 57:2.
“The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me” Psalm 138:8.

“Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ” Philippians 1:6.

“For of Him, and through Him, and to Him are all things: To whom be glory for ever” Romans 11:36.

We read that David once succumbed to unbelief, and said, “I shall now one day perish by the hand of Saul” (1 Samuel 27:1). So even the Christian may indeed fear that he will one day perish. This is because he looks at himself and what is in him, and does not set his trust wholly on God. It is because he does not yet know God as the Perfecter. He does not yet know what is meant by His name, “I am the Alpha and the Omega: the Beginning and the End: the First and the Last” (Revelation 21:6; 1:8). If I truly believe in God as the beginning out of whom all comes, then I must trust Him as the continuation and the end, to whom all goes.

God is the beginning. “He which hath begun a good work in you”; “Ye have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you” (John 15:16). We are to be thankful for God’s free choice, made before the foundation of the world, that we became believers and have the new life.1 Those who are still unconverted have nothing to do with this election–for them there is the offer of grace and the summons to surrender.

Outside, over the door of the Father, stands the inscription, “Him that cometh unto Me, I will in no wise cast out” (John 6:37). This everyone can see and understand. No sooner are they inside the door than they see and understand the other inscription, “All that the Father giveth Me shall come to Me” (John 6:37).2 Then they can understand how all things are of God–first, obedience to the command of God, then, insight into the counsel of God.

But then it is of great importance to firmly hold onto this truth–He has begun the good work. Every thought of God will strengthen the confidence that He will also perfect it. His faithfulness, His love, His power, are all pledged so that He will perfect the good work which He began. Please read how God has taken more than one oath regarding His unchangeable faithfulness. Your soul will rest and find courage in this.

And how will He finish His work? What has its origin from Him is sustained by Him. It will one day be brought to Him and His glory. There is nothing in your life, worldly or spiritual, for which the Father will not care, because it has influence on you for eternity.3 There is no moment of day or night in which the silent growth of your soul is not to go forward. The Father will take care of this, if you believe.

There is no part of your destiny as a child of God that the Father will not continue and complete His work in–even in things which you have not yet given thought to.4 There is one condition–you must trust Him for this. You must in faith allow Him to work. You must trustfully say, “The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me.” You must trustfully pray, “I will cry unto God that performeth all things for me.” Christian, let your soul become full of the thought–The whole care, for the continuation and the perfecting of God’s work in me, is in His hands.5

And how glorious the perfecting will be. In our spiritual life, God is prepared to exhibit His power in making us participants of His holiness and the image of His Son. He will make us fit, and set us in a condition for all the blessed work in His Kingdom that He would have from us. He will make our body like to the glorious body of His Son. We may wait for the coming of the Son Himself from heaven to take His own to Him. He will unite us in one body with all His chosen, and will receive and make us dwell forever in His glory. How can we think that God will not perfect His work’? He will surely do it He will gloriously do it–for everyone who trusts Him for it.

Child of God, please say in deep assurance of faith, “The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me.” In every need say continually and with great boldness, “I will call on God, that performeth all things for me.” And let the song of your life be the joyful doxology, “For of Him, and through Him, and to Him are all things: To Him be the glory for ever.” Amen.

Lord God, who will perfect that which concerns me, teach me to know You and to trust You. And let every thought of the new life go hand in hand with the joyful assurance–He who began a good work in me will perfect it. Amen.

Footnotes

1) Rom. 8:29,30; Eph. 1:4,11

2) Gen. 28:15; Ps. 89:29,34-36; Isa. 54:9, l0; Jer. 33:25,26

3) Matt. 6:25,34; 1 Pet. 5:7

4) Isa. 27:2,3; 51:12,13

5) Heb. 10:35; 13:5,6,20,21; 1 Pet. 5:10

Notes

1. “He that endureth to the end, shall be saved” (Matt. 10:22). It brings but little profit to begin well. We must hold the beginning of our hope firm unto the end (Matt. 10:27; 24:13; Heb. 3:14,16; 11:12).

2. How do we explain the falling away of some believers? They were only temporary believers. They were partakers only of the workings of the Spirit (Heb. 6:4).

3. How do I know whether I am a partaker of the true new birth? “As many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God” (Rom. 8:14). The faith that God has received me is matured —is confirmed–by works and by a walk under the leading of the Spirit.

4. How can any one know for certain that he will persevere to the end? By faith in God the Perfecter. We may take the Almighty God as our Keeper. He who gives himself in sincerity to Him, and trusts wholly in Him to perfect His work, obtains a divine certainty that the Lord has him and will hold him firm unto the end.

5. Child of God, live in fellowship with your Father. Live the life of faith in your Jesus with an undivided heart, and all fear of falling away will be taken from you. The living seal of the Holy Spirit will be your assurance of perseverance to the end.



Chapter 1

IN this my relation of the merciful working of God upon my soul, it will not be amiss if in the first place I do, in a few words, give you a hint of my pedigree and manner of bringing up; that thereby the goodness and bounty of God towards me may be the more advanced and magnified before the sons of men.

For my descent then, it was, as is well known by many, of a low and inconsiderable generation; my father’s house being of that rank that is meanest and most despised of all the families in the land. Wherefore I have not here, as others, to boast of noble blood, or of any high-born state according to the flesh, though, all things considered, I magnify the heavenly Majesty; for that by this door he brought me into this world, to partake of the grace and life that is in Christ by the gospel. But yet, notwithstanding the meanness and inconsiderableness of my parents, it pleased God to put it into their hearts to put me to school, to learn me both to read and write; the which I also attained according to the rate of other men’s children, though to my shame, I confess I did soon lose that little I learned, even almost utterly, and that long before the Lord did work his gracious work of conversion upon my soul.

As for my own natural life for the time that I was without God in the world, it was indeed “according to the course of this world,” and “the spirit that now worketh in the, children of disobedience.” Eph. 2: 2, 3. It was my delight to be taken captive by the “devil at his will,” 2 Tim. 2: 26, being filled with all unrighteousness; the which did also so strongly work and put forth itself both in my heart and life, and that from a child, that I had few equals, especially considering my years, which were tender, for cursing, swearing, lying, and blaspheming the holy name of God. Yea, so settled and rooted was I in these things, that they became as a second nature to me; the which, as I have also with soberness considered since, did so offend the Lord, that even in my childhood he did scare and affrighten me with fearful dreams, and did terrify me with fearful visions. For often, after I had spent this and the other day in sin, I have in my bed been greatly afflicted, while asleep, with the apprehensions of devils and wicked spirits, who still, as I then thought, labored to draw me away with them, of which I could never be rid.

Also, I would at these years be greatly afflicted and troubled with the thoughts of the fearful torments of hell-fire; still fearing that it would be my lot to be found at last among those devils and hellish fiends who are there bound down with the chains and bonds of darkness unto the judgment of the great day. These things, I say, when I was but a child but nine or ten years old, did so distress my soul, that then, in the midst of my many sports and childish vanities, amid my vain companions, I was often much cast down and afflicted in my mind therewith; yet could I not let go my sins: yea, I was also then so overcome with despair of life and heaven, that I would often wish, either that there had been no hell, or that I had been a devil-supposing devils were only tormentors-that if it must needs be that I went thither, I might be rather a tormentor than be tormented myself.

A while after those terrible dreams did leave me, which also I soon forgot; for my pleasures did quickly cut off the remembrance of them, as if they never had been; wherefore, with more greediness, according to the strength of nature, I still let loose the reins of my lust, and delighted in all transgressions against the law of God; so that until I came to the state of marriage, I was the very ringleader of all the youth that kept me company, in all manner of vice and ungodliness. Yea, such prevalency had the lusts and fruits of the flesh on this poor soul of mine, that, had not a miracle of precious grace prevented, I had not only perished by the stroke of eternal justice, but had also laid myself open even to the stroke of those laws which bring some to disgrace and open shame before the face of the world.

In those days the thoughts of religion were very grievous to me: I could neither endure it myself, nor that any other should ; so that when I have seen some read in those books that concerned Christian piety, it would be as it were a prison to me. Then I said unto God, “Depart from me; for I desire not the knowledge of thy ways.” Job 21: 14, 15. I was now void of all good consideration ; heaven and hell were both out of sight and mind; and as for saving and damning, they were least in my thoughts. 0 Lord, thou knowest my life, and my ways were not hid from thee.

But this I well remember, that though I could myself sin with the greatest delight and ease, and also take pleasure in the vileness of my companions, yet, even then, if I had at any time seen wicked things in those who professed goodness, it would make my spirit tremble. As, once above all the rest, when I was in the height of vanity, yet hearing one swear that was reckoned for a religious man, it had so great a stroke upon my spirit that it made my heart ache.

God did not utterly leave me, but followed me still, not with convictions, but judgments, yet such as were mixed with mercy. For once I fell into a creek of the sea, and hardly escaped drowning. Another time I fell out of a boat into Bedford river, but mercy yet preserved me alive. Besides, another time being in the field with one of my companions, it chanced that an adder passed over the highway; so I having a stick in my hand, struck her over the back, and having stunned her, I forced open her mouth with my stick, and plucked her sting out with my fingers; by which act, had not God been merciful unto me, I might by my desperateness have brought myself to my end.

This also I have taken notice of, with thanksgiving when I was a soldier, I with others was drawn out to go to such a place to besiege it; but when I was just ready to go, one of the company desired to go in my room: to which when I had consented, he took my place; and coming to the siege, as he stood sentinel he was shot in the head by a musket-ball, and died. Here, as I said, were judgments and mercy, but neither of them did awaken my soul to righteousness: wherefore I sinned still, and grew more and more rebellious against God, and careless of my own salvation.



Chapter 2

PRESENTLY after this I changed my condition into a married state, and my mercy was to light upon a wife whose father was counted godly. This woman and I, though we came together as poor as poor might be, not having so much household stuff as a dish or spoon between us both, yet this she had for her part, “The Plain Man’s Pathway to Heaven” and “The Practice of Piety,” which her father had left her when he died. In these two books I would sometimes read with her, wherein I also found some things that were somewhat pleasing to me; but all this while I met with no conviction. She also would be often telling me what a godly man her father was, and how he would reprove and correct vice, both in his house and among his neighbors; and what a strict and holy life he lived in his days, both in words and deeds.

Wherefore these books, with the relation, though they did not reach my heart to awaken it about my sad and sinful state, yet they did beget within me some desires to reform my vicious life and fall in very eagerly with the religion of the times, to wit, to go to church twice a day, and that too with the foremost; and there I would very devoutly both say and sing as others did, yet retaining my wicked life; but withal I was so overrun with the spirit of superstition that I adored, and that with great devotion, even all things, both the highplace, priest, clerk, vestment, service, and what else belonging to the church-counting all things holy that were therein contained, and especially the priest and clerk most happy, and without doubt greatly blessed, because they were the servants, as I then thought, of God, and were principal in the holy temple, to do his work therein.

This conceit grew so strong in a little time upon my spirit, that had I but seen a priest, though never so sordid and debauched in his life, I should find my spirit fall under him, reverence him, and knit unto him; yea, I thought, for the love I did bear unto them—supposing they were the ministers of God—I could have laid down at their feet, and have been trampled upon by them, their name, their garb, and work did so intoxicate and bewitch me.

After I had been thus for some considerable time, another thought came into my mind, and that was whether we were of the Israelites or no; for finding in the Scriptures that they were once the peculiar people of God, thought I, if I were one of this race, my soul must needs be happy. Now again I found within me a great longing to be resolved about this question, but could not tell how I should; at last I asked my father of it, who told me we were not. Wherefore then I fell in my spirit as to the hopes of that, and so remained. But all this while I was not sensible of the danger and evil of sin; I was kept from considering that sin would damn me, what religion soever I followed, unless I was found in Christ: nay, I never thought of him, nor whether there was such a one or no. Thus man, while blind, doth wonder, but wearieth himself with vanity, for he knoweth not the way to the city of God. Eccles. 10: 15.

But one day, among all the sermons our parson made, his subject was to treat of the Sabbath-day, and of the evil of breaking that, either with labor, sports, or otherwise. Now I was, notwithstanding my religion, one that took much delight in all manner of vice, and especially that was the day that I did solace myself therewith; wherefore I fell in my conscience under this sermon, thinking and believing that he made that sermon on purpose to show me my evil-doing. And at that time I felt what guilt was, though never before that I can remember; but then I was for the present greatly loaded therewith, and so went home when the sermon was ended with a great burden upon my spirit.

This for that instant did benumb the sinews of my best delights, and imbitter my former pleasures to me; but behold it lasted not, for before I had well dined, the trouble began to go off my mind, and my heart returned to its old course; but Oh, how glad was I that this trouble was gone from me, and that the fire was put out, that I might sin again without control. Wherefore, when I had satisfied nature with my food, I shook the sermon out of my mind, and to my old custorn of sports and gaming I returned with great delight.

But the same day, as I was in the midst of a game of cat, and having struck it one blow from the hole, just as I was about to strike it a second time, a voice did suddenly dart from heaven into my soul, which said, “Wilt thou leave thy sins and go to heaven, or have thy sins and go to hell?” At this I was put to an exceeding maze; wherefore, leaving my bat upon the ground, I looked up to heaven, and was as if I had with the eyes of my understanding seen the Lord Jesus looking down upon me, as being very hotly displeased with me, and as if he did severely threaten me with some grievous punishment for these and other ungodly practices. I had no sooner thus conceived in my mind, but suddenly this conclusion was fastened on my spirit, for the former hint did set my sins again before my face, that I had been a great and grievous sinner, and that it was now too late for me to look after heaven, for Christ would not forgive me nor pardon my transgressions. Then I fell to musing on this also; and while I was thinking of it, and fearing lest it should be so, I felt my heart sink in despair, concluding it was too late, and therefore I resolved in my mind to go on in sin; for, thought I, if the case be thus, my state is surely miserable-miserable if I leave my sins, and but miserable if I follow them: I can but be damned; and if it must be so, I had as good be damned for many sins as be damned for few.

Thus I stood in the midst of my play before all that then were present, but yet I told them nothing: but, I say, having made this conclusion, I returned desperately to my sport again; and I well remember, that presently this kind of despair did so possess my soul, that I was persuaded I could never attain to other comfort than what I should get in sin, for heaven was gone already, so that on that I must not think; wherefore I found within me great desire to take my fill of sin, still studying what sin was yet to be committed, that I might taste the sweetness of it; and I made as much haste as I could to fill my belly with its delicacies, lest I should die before I had my desires, for that I feared greatly. In these things, I protest before God I lie not, neither do I frame this sort of speech; these were really, strongly, and with all my heart, my desires. The good Lord, whose mercy is unsearchable, forgive my transgressions. And I am very confident that this temptation of the devil is more usual among poor creatures than many are aware of, even to overrun the spirits with a seared frame of heart and benumbing of conscience; which frame lie stilly and slily supplieth with such despair, that though no peculiar guilt resteth upon them, yet they continually have a secret conclusion within them that there is no hope for them, for they have loved sins, therefore after them they will go. Jer. 2: 25; 18: 12.

Now therefore I went on in sin with great greediness of mind, still grudging that I could not be satisfied with it as I would. This continued with me about a month or more; but one day, as I was standing at a neighbor’s shop-window, and there cursing and swearing and playing the madman after my wonted manner, there sat within the woman of the house, and heard me, who, though she was a very loose and ungodly wretch, yet protested that I swore and cursed at that most fearful rate that she was made to tremble to hear me; and told me further, that I was the ungodliest fellow for swearing that she ever heard in all her life, and that I by thus doing was able to spoil all the youth in the whole town, if they came but in my company. At this reproof I was silenced and put to secret shame, and that too, as I thought, before the God of heaven; wherefore while I stood there hanging down my head, I wished with all my heart that I might be a little child again, that my father might learn me to speak without this wicked way of swearing; for, thought I, I am so accustomed to it that it is in vain for me to think of reformation, for I thought that could never be.

But—how it came to pass I know not—I did from this time forward so leave my swearing that it was a great wonder to myself to observe it; and whereas before I knew not how to speak unless I put an oath before and another behind to make my words have authority, now I could without an oath speak better and with more pleasantness than ever I could before. All this while I knew not Jesus Christ, neither did I leave my sports and plays. But quickly after this I fell into company with one poor man that made profession of religion, who, as I then thought, did talk pleasantly of the Scriptures and of the matter of religion; wherefore, falling into some love—and liking to what he said, I betook me to my Bible and began to take great pleasure in reading, but especially the historical part thereof; for as for Paul’s epistles and such like scriptures I could not away with them, being as yet ignorant both of the corruption of our nature and of the want and worth of Jesus Christ to save us: wherefore I fell to some outward reformation both in my words and life, and did set the commandments before me for my way to heaven; which commandments I also did strive to keep, and as I thought did keep them pretty well sometimes, and then I would have comfort, yet now and then would break one, and so afflict my conscience; but then I would repent and say I was sorry for it, and promise God to do better next time, and there got help again, for then I thought I pleased God as well as any man in England.

Thus I continued about a year, all which time our neighbors did take me to be a very godly man, a new and religious man, and did marvel much to see such great and famous alteration in my life and manners; and indeed so it was, though I knew not Christ, nor grace, nor faith, nor hope, for, as I have well since seen, had I then died my state had been most fearful. But, I say, my neighbors were amazed at this my great conversion from prodigious profaneness to something like a moral life; and truly so they well might, for this my conversion was as great as for Tom of Bedlam to become a sober man. Now therefore they began to praise, to commend, and to speak well of me, both to my face and behind my back. Now I was, as they said, become godly—now I was become a right honest man. But Oh, when I understood those were their words and opinions of me, it pleased me mighty well, for though as yet I was nothing but a poor painted hypocrite, yet I loved to be talked of as one that was truly godly. I was proud of my godliness, and indeed I did all I did either to be seen or to be well spoken of by men; and thus I continued for about a twelvemonth or more.



Chapter 3

Now you must know, that before this I had taken much delight in ringing; but my conscience beginning to be tender; I thought such a practice was but vain, and therefore forced myself to leave it, yet my mind hankered; wherefore I would go to the steeple-house and look on, though I durst not ring. But I thought this did not become religion neither, yet I forced myself, and would look on still; but quickly after I began to think, how if one of the bells should fall? Then I chose to stand under a main beam that lay overthwart the steeple from side to side, thinking here I might stand sure ; but then I thought again, should the bell fall with a swing, it might first hit the wall, and then rebounding upon me, might kill me for all this beam. This made me stand in the steeple-door; and now, thought I, I am safe enough, for if the bell should fall I can slip out behind these thick walls, and so be preserved notwithstanding. So after this I would yet go to see them ring, but would not go any further than the steeple-door; but then it came into my head, how if the steeple itself should fall? And this thought-it may be for aught I know when I stood and looked on-did continually so shake my mind that I durst not stand at the steeple-door any longer, but was forced to flee for fear the steeple should fall upon my head.

Another thing was my dancing: I was full a year before I could quite leave that. All this while, when I thought I kept this or that command, or did by word or deed anything I thought was good, I had great peace in my conscience, and would think with myself, God cannot choose but be now pleased with me; yea, to relate it in my own way, I thought no man in England could please God better than I. But, poor wretch as I was, I was all this while ignorant of Jesus Christ, and going about to establish my own righteousness, and had perished therein, had not God in mercy showed me more of my state by nature.

But upon a day the good providence of God called me to Bedford to work at my calling, and in one of the streets of that town I came where there were three or four poor women sitting at a door in the sun talking about the things of God: and being now willing to hear their discourse, I drew near to hear what they said, for I was now a brisk talker of myself in the matters of religion; but I may say I heard, but understood not, for they were far above out of my reach. Their talk was about a new birth, the work of God in their hearts, as also how they were convinced of their miserable state by nature; they talked bow God had visited their souls with his love in the Lord Jesus, and with what words and promises they had been refreshed, comforted, and supported against the temptations of the devil; moreover, they reasoned of the suggestions and temptations of Satan in particular, and told to each other by what means they had been afflicted, and how they were borne up under his assaults. They also discoursed of their own wretchedness of heart and of their unbelief, and did contemn, slight, and abhor their own righteousness as filthy and insufficient to do them any good.

And methought they spoke as if joy did make them speak; they spoke with such pleasantness of scripture language, and with such appearance of grace in all they said, that they were to me as if they had found a new world-as if they were people that dwelt alone, and were not to be reckoned among their neighbors. At this I felt my own heart begin to shake and mistrust my condition to be naught, for I saw that in all my thoughts about religion and salvation the new birth did never enter my mind, neither knew I the comfort of the word and promise, nor the deceitfulness and treachery of my own wicked heart. As for secret thoughts, I took no notice of them, neither did I understand what Satan’s temptations were, nor how they were to be withstood and resisted.

Thus therefore, when I had heard and considered what they said, I left them and went about my employment again, but their talk and discourse went with me; also my heart would tarry with them, for I was greatly affected with their words, both because by them I was convinced that I wanted the true tokens of a truly godly man, and also because by them I was convinced of the happy and blessed condition of him that was such a one. Therefore I would often make it my business to be going again and again into the company of these poor people, for I could not stay away; and the more I went among them, the more I did question my condition; and as I still do remember, presently I found two things within me at which I did sometimes marvel, especially considering what a blind, ignorant, sordid, and ungodly wretch but just before I was. The one was a very great softness and tenderness of heart, which caused me to fall under the conviction of what by Scripture they asserted; and the other was a great bending in my mind to a continual meditating on it and on all other good things which at any time I heard or read of.

By these things my mind was now so turned that it lay like a horseleech at the vein, still crying out, Give, give, My mind was so fixed on eternity and on the things about the kingdom of heaven, that is, so far as I knew, though as yet God knows I knew but little, that neither pleasures, nor profits, nor persuasions, nor threats could loose it or make it let go its hold; and though I may speak it with shame, yet it is in very deed a certain truth, it would then have been as diffcult for me to have taken my mind from heaven to earth, as I have found it often since to get it again from earth to heaven.

One thing I may not omit. There was a young man in our town to whom my heart before was knit more than to any other; but he being a most wicked creature for cursing and swearing and uncleanness, I now shook him off and forsook his company. About a quarter of a year after I had left him, I met him in a certain lane and asked him how he did. He after his old swearing and mad way answered he was well. “But, Harry,” said I, “why do you curse and swear thus? What will become of you if you die in this condition ?” He answered me in a great chafe, ” What would the devil do for company, if it were not for such as I am ?”

About this time I met with some ranters’ books that were put forth by some of our countrymen, which books were also highly in esteem by several old professors. Some of these I read, but was not able to make any judgment about them; wherefore as I read in them and thought upon them, seeing myself unable to judge, I would betake myself to hearty prayer in this manner:

“0 Lord, I am a fool and not able to know the truth from error. Lord, leave me not to my own blindness, either to approve of or condemn this doctrine. If it be of God, let me not despise it; if it be of the devil, let me not embrace it. Lord, I lay my soul in this matter only at thy feet; let me not be deceived, I humbly beseech thee”
I had one religious companion all this while, and that was the poor man I spoke of before; but about this time he also turned a most devilish ranter, and gave himself up to all manner of filthiness, especially uncleaness: he would also deny that there was a God, angel, or spirit, and would laugh at all exhortations to sobriety. When I labored to rebuke his wickedness, he would laugh the more, and pretend that he had gone through all religions, and could never hit upon the right till now He told me also, that in a little time I should see all professors turn to the ways of the ranters. Wherefore, abominating those cursed principles, I left his company forthwith, and became to him as great a stranger as I had been before a familiar.

Neither was this man only a temptation to me, but my calling lying in the country, I happened to come into several people’s company, who though strict in religion formerly, yet were also drawn away by these ranters. These would also talk with me of their ways, and condemn me as legal and dark, pretending that they only had attained to perfection, that they could do what they would and not sin. Oh, these temptations were suitable to my flesh, I being but a young man and my nature in its prime; but God, who had as I hoped designed me for better things, kept me in the fear of his name, and did not suffer me to accept such cursed principles. And blessed be God, who put it into my heart to cry to him to be kept and directed, still distrusting mine own wisdom, for I have since seen even the effects of that prayer in his preserving me not only from ranting errors, but from those also that have sprung up since. The Bible was precious to me in those days.

And now methought I began to look into the Bible with new eyes; and read as I never did before; and especially the epistles of the apostle Paul were sweet and pleasant to me; and indeed, then I was never out of the Bible, either by reading or meditation, still crying out to God that I might know the truth and the way to heaven and glory. And as I went on and read, I hit upon that passage, “To one is given by the Spirit the word of wisdom; to another, the word of knowledge by the same Spirit; to another, faith,” etc. 1 Cor. 12: 8, 9. And though I have since seen that by this scripture the Holy Ghost intends in special things extraordinary, yet on me it did then fasten with conviction that I did want things ordinary, even that understanding and wisdom that other Christians had. On this word I mused, and could not tell what to do; especially this word faith put me to it, for I could not help it, but sometimes must question whether I had any faith or no; but I was loath to conclude I had no faith, for if I do so, thought I, then I shall count myself a very castaway indeed.

No, said I with myself, though I am convinced that I am an ignorant sot, and that I want those blessed gifts of knowledge and understanding that other people have, yet at a venture I will conclude I am not altogether faithless, though I know not what faith is; for it was shown me, and that too, as I have seen since, by Satan, that those who conclude themselves in a faithless state have neither rest nor quiet in their souls, and I was loath to fall quite into despair.

Wherefore by this suggestion I was for a while made afraid to see my want of faith; but God would not suffer me thus to undo and destroy my soul, but did continually against this my sad and blind conclusion create still within me such suppositions, insomuch that I could not rest content until I did now come to some certain knowledge whether I had faith or no, this always running in my mind: “But how if you want faith indeed? But how can you tell you have faith?” And besides, I saw for certain that if I had not, I was sure to perish for ever; so that though I endeavored at the first to overlook the business of faith, yet in a little time, I better considering the matter, was willing to put myself upon the trial whether I had faith or no. But alas, poor wretch, so ignorant and brutish was I, that I knew not to this day any more how to do it, than I knew how to begin and accomplish a rare and curious piece of art which I never yet saw or considered.

Wherefore, while I was thus considering and being put to a plunge about it, for you must know that as yet I had not in this matter broken my mind to any one, only did hear and consider, the tempter came in with this delusion, that there was no way for me to know I had faith but by trying to work some miracles, urging those scriptures that seem to look that way for enforcing and strengthening his temptation. Nay, one day, as I was between Elstow and Bedford, the temptation was hot upon me to try if I had faith by doing some miracle, which miracle at this time was this: I must say to the puddles that were in the horse-pads, Be dry, and to the dry places, Be you puddles, And truly one time I was, going to say so indeed; but just as I was about to speak, this thought came into my mind, “But go under yonder hedge and pray first that God would make you able.” But when I had concluded to pray, this came hot upon me, that if I prayed, and came again and tried to do it, and yet did nothing notwithstanding, then to be sure I had no faith, but was a castaway and lost; nay, thought I, if it be so, I will not try yet, but will stay a little longer; so I continued at a great loss, for I thought if they only had faith which could do such wonderful things, then I concluded that for the present I neither had it, nor yet for the time to come was ever like to have it. Thus I was tossed between the devil and my own ignorance, and so perplexed, especially at some times, that I could not tell what to do.